It's been a while!
I'm still in Devon, still living with Phil. Decided that I should stay away for a bit while I figure things out.I'm working at last! I'm reviewing videogames Yay!!
I'll post a real update soon and catch up with my favourite blogs.
Posted by Claire at 12:38:00 pm
Here I am, now a quarter of a century old. It feels a bit odd, I don't feel 25 and I don't look twenty five either.
With every year older I get, I always like to wonder what my life will be like in ten years time. Ten years ago I was certain that in ten years time I'd be living in New York making ends meet by creating art, surrounded by lots of musician friends with some sort of crazy hairstyle. I have the hairstyle and that's about it.
I didn't think for a second I'd be married and living in Devon, still not really knowing what I want to do with my life. I thought I'd be more established than I am.
I found myself taking a huge interest in politics in my late teens and as a result of bad decisions decided to do a degree in it. Towards the beginning of my final year I realised that it is not what I wanted to do. Thinking clearly, I should have done a photography degree, built up contacts and work as a photographer's assistant... In New York.
Strictly speaking the politics wasn't a bad idea as such, it's a good back up but do I really want to be spending 12 hours a day in a government office pushing pens? I've had a taste of that and it's awful.
Sorry I haven't updated. I wrote that a few months ago before I actually turned 25 two weeks ago.
So the news is, I'm splitting up with Phil, I found e-mails on his phone of a sexual nature to a girl he had met on Omegle and proceeded to swap personal email addreses.
Let me make it clear that I wasn't snooping, I was trying to open the Angry Birds app on his phone and accidently opened his Gmail which shows the the first line of the email, which was explicit.
I'm not going into what was exactly said in the emails but of course Phil's given me every excuse he can think of
"I didn't know what I was doing",
"It was a joke",
"I wasn't thinking of actually doing to her, what I'd written in the e-mail",
"If I'd known you'd react like this, I'd never had sent them"
"I was only being explicit because that's what I thought I was supposed to do",
And so forth.
Although he has given me "reasons" as to why he did it, he maintains the belief that he hasn't done anything wrong and I am getting the wrong stick of what exactly "went down".
I am the one feeling ashamed by his actions and he is carrying on like nothing happened.
I don't know what else to say, except he has destroyed me.
Posted by Claire at 3:25:00 pm
13th April 2o11
Blogger no longer lets me post new posts. It deletes them after they have been posted!
I haven't posted in a while because absolutely nothing has happened since the last time I posted.
I turn 25 on the 30th of this month and I've been putting my life into perspective. Apart from meeting all the academic goals one wishes to achieve throughout their life, I have achieved nothing.
It's pretty scary.
I haven't travelled abroad in 8 years and I feel that I haven't been able to reap the rewards of a good education.
For those 8 years I've dreamed about living a life in Japan as a teacher. I'd hardly thought about it during the duration of my marriage, but a few weeks ago I had a very graphic dream that I was a teacher in Shin Juku, Tokyo.
What if I could make it a reality? So I've been doing research into it and I meet all, if not most of the requirements to teach in Japan. I am determined to do this, for the sake of my sanity. I am excited.
Only there is the small matter of having a husband.
I've been gently trying to drop hints about us moving to Japan and he has stated flat out that he would never move to Japan. He doesn't like the fast paced city lifestyle that the Japanese live.
He's all for living like my aunt and uncle, in two different continents seeing each other 4 weeks of the year.
I absolutely do not want to have such a long distance marriage. So I've told him that he has three options.
1] Move with me and have a "happily ever after" life
2] Stay here and not be surprised if I cheat, I have urges and he is effectively denying them.
Now of course I want him to come with me. I have ways in to persuade him. If all else fails, I'll subtlely place articles around the house about Western girls being murdered in Japan. This should kick in his need to protect his woman.
I've sacrificed my whole life for him so apart from option 1 I don't really care how this pans out. In all fairity it was a pretty dick move for him to move us here without him having a stable job to support us. With us wanting so many different things from life I wonder how this marriage will last, he already behaves twenty years older than I.
Posted by Claire at 8:59:00 pm
People are very tolerant in Devon. The other night at about 12am I decided to put some music on the surround sound and have a bath, the bathroom is right at the back of the house complete with catflaps, you could almost say it's like a modern out house. To listen to music from the bathroom the sound has to be high.
So like I said, it was 12am and there was loud music playing... And... No one knocked on the door to complain of the noise.
Back in Wigan we lived next door to old people, who weren't thrilled on living next door to a young couple for whatever reason. They'd always come round complaining if we had music on or we had friends round. So it was really nice to know that people in Devon do not give a shit on any given day of the week about what their neighbours are doing and don't curtain twitch every time they hear you going out/coming home.
Yes, writing about a bath is the most exciting thing I can come up with. On Saturday we're going to some Chinese New Year Festivities, I can see Phil wanting to stay up really late 'because it's a Friday night' and then we end up sleeping through. I'll take some pictures to show if we get there. Nothing much has happened since I last posted, I'm still jobless and the local news reported 'hundreds more to lose their jobs in Okehampton'.
The job prospects are getting narrower and narrower with each passing month.
Posted by Claire at 11:36:00 pm