Today I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression. I laughed. The doctor didn't.
"It's very serious".
"I'm not known for being miserable".
So the Doc wanted to know why I was depressed and I told him that I'd recently seen that Street Dance 3D film and I was pretty distraught about never getting back the 98 mins I'd wasted watching it.
He starts writing on prescription paper as I'm telling him what's REALLY going on, suspects he's not actually listening*.
"Okay, take these they'll start to come into effect in 4 weeks."
Whaa?? I don't want to wait four weeks, Nor do I trust to put anything in my body made by Glaxo-SmithKline or Bayer! So I asked him if there was any alternative medicine I could try or if there were any Yoga classes in the area.
"There's no Yoga classes available to you. You could try to take St Johns Wort, although contrary to what people of.."
"I'm not a hippy."
"You could try counselling."
"And tell some sandal wearing, patronising stranger who shows no qualms about her love for cats in the form of motivational posters about my life?!"
*raised eyebrow as he looks at my shoes*
"These, are not sandals. They have a heel and you can't see my toes."
To be honest I don't want to talk to a stranger about my life, it's not natural to disclose your inner most thoughts to strangers... Face to face, of course...
So I thanked him for his time and left.
I got home, set up my wii and did an hour of Wii Yoga, talked to my husband who was liberal with hugs then I put a pork joint in the oven, I needed a comforting roast dinner!
In other news my cats are having withdrawal symptoms.
After reading one too many articles about the dangers of feeding kibble to cats, I decided to switch them on a raw diet.
I find it slightly disturbing that my cats are crying out for high content grain, feathers, hooves and parts of deceased pets and cancerous cells shaped into cute fish shapes instead of the nutritious chicken breasts, bone meal and rice that I put out for them.
Mitzy cat threw up a little bit this morning, because she hasn't eaten in a day, it was just water. She just walks around in circles confused as to where her beloved shitty food is, when she's not wondering in circles that she's sat by her food bowl. At night she becomes a mini kitty psycho. running around at full speed like she's on crack.
Milkshake will eat the new food no problem. I think he enjoys it. He's no where near as fussy as Mitzy.
Apparently a cat can go two days without food no problem and they'll never starve themselves so I'm not too worried about Mitzy's protests. Although I did cave in this morning and sprinkle a little dry food over the breasts and she did eat some of it.
Clinically depressed Claire, withdrawn cats. It's oh so fun in our house at the moment.
I hope the Liver peas and gravy go down better tonight.
Today I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression. I laughed. The doctor didn't.
Posted by Claire at 3:38:00 pm
I like it when my bosses husband is angry at me because he gets his sixteen year old son to pour pints. It's a bold statement to remind me that this is a family business and I am easily replaceable.
So far his cruel attempts to make me quit have been fruitless. I am immune to him and his little cronies sat at the bar pointing and laughing at me, I don't care.
I can tell he really doesn't want me working there, instead of resorting to games neanderthals like, he should just straight up sack me.
Instead of looking for a real job this week, I bought some Jurrassic Park Velociraptor models and made a hilarious storyboard of shots to take of them. I'm thinking of turning it into a new project 365... After the current one is completed of course.
In short, there is no hope for me to succeed in life.
Posted by Claire at 11:49:00 am
Here I am, now a quarter of a century old. It feels a bit odd, I don't feel 25 and I don't look twenty five either.
With every year older I get, I always like to wonder what my life will be like in ten years time. Ten years ago I was certain that in ten years time I'd be living in New York making ends meet by creating art, surrounded by lots of musician friends with some sort of crazy hairstyle. I have the hairstyle and that's about it.
I didn't think for a second I'd be married and living in Devon, still not really knowing what I want to do with my life. I thought I'd be more established than I am.
I found myself taking a huge interest in politics in my late teens and as a result of bad decisions decided to do a degree in it. Towards the beginning of my final year I realised that it is not what I wanted to do. Thinking clearly, I should have done a photography degree, built up contacts and work as a photographer's assistant... In New York.
Strictly speaking the politics wasn't a bad idea as such, it's a good back up but do I really want to be spending 12 hours a day in a government office pushing pens? I've had a taste of that and it's awful.
Sorry I haven't updated. I wrote that a few months ago before I actually turned 25 two weeks ago.
So the news is, I'm splitting up with Phil, I found e-mails on his phone of a sexual nature to a girl he had met on Omegle and proceeded to swap personal email addreses.
Let me make it clear that I wasn't snooping, I was trying to open the Angry Birds app on his phone and accidently opened his Gmail which shows the the first line of the email, which was explicit.
I'm not going into what was exactly said in the emails but of course Phil's given me every excuse he can think of
"I didn't know what I was doing",
"It was a joke",
"I wasn't thinking of actually doing to her, what I'd written in the e-mail",
"If I'd known you'd react like this, I'd never had sent them"
"I was only being explicit because that's what I thought I was supposed to do",
And so forth.
Although he has given me "reasons" as to why he did it, he maintains the belief that he hasn't done anything wrong and I am getting the wrong stick of what exactly "went down".
I am the one feeling ashamed by his actions and he is carrying on like nothing happened.
I don't know what else to say, except he has destroyed me.
Posted by Claire at 1:06:00 am
Not much happening at the moment, we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary last week which was... Nice. Normally we stay in but this year we went out for lunch and it was such a ball ache. When you live so far out in the sticks every little trip has to be planned with precision so from now on we're going to stick with what we know and stay in.
I spent the last of my savings on a new 50D camera, 100mm macro lens and a new 42" TV and new tools to start up our own carpentry business last week. I feel guilty about spending so much! Let's be honest, the amount was sat being unused for a long time. I personally felt like I deserved it, most of my savings I've had since I was 18 coupled with my inheritence went into the move [I never been good at spending money just because]. I've had an incredibly difficult year so why not give myself some happiness? Here's a shot I took today, I have severe arachnophobia, I am so brave!
I'm going to be opening my own etsy shop selling my photography prints in the next week or two . I think it's about time my skills started paying. Right now I'm researching my market and reviewing my business model and seeing what sells and what doesn't on the site.
I still feel very mixed about this town. I dislike a lot of people, I really cannot deal with the staggering racist and chauvinistic views.
Men tell me "women should be on their backs giving birth". I've never known so many women haters in one place and don't even get me started on the racism! When people train their dogs to growl when the "N" word is spoken, there's something very wrong in that.
I think wherever we move one of us will be unhappy. Personally, and I've only recently realised, I'll never be happy unless I'm in a city. There's a photographic society in Exeter and I can't go because the last bus from Exeter to here is 6.45pm.
Oh, by the way, to the comments on my last blog entry, which I've only just seen, it was about my camera which I upgraded and how I was a bit sad because I didn't want to buy a new one but it was getting a bit frail . P mode is "program mode", I shoot solely in Manual mode, quite often when I turned it on it'd be "P mode! P mode!" and I'd be screaming"No! Manual!" I also thought you'd been able to comment on my blog for a while! Obviously not! :P
I bet you all thought I'm some sort of hard drug user! oh, the LOLZ.
Posted by Claire at 9:57:00 pm
When we first started using together, I wasn't sure you were right for me. I thought that you were way out of my league and I was nervous with you but I soon learned how to handle using and you put me at ease.
We've endured some tough times together and we've also had some wonderful times together but lately, I feel that things have been going a little sour between us. I'm starting to feel a little let down and I'm worried that using daily is taking it's toll on you.
I feel like we're a bit like Ralph Macchio and Mr Myagi. You taught me everything you could about using and you're getting a little frail and it's heartbreaking, I love you. I am the one, that will fight for your honour and you know this.
All great loves come to an end some way or another, Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra to name but a few.
What I'm trying to say 400D, is that I've met someone else. It's certainly not nice that I have to tell you over the internet but I think you have to know. He's called 50D.
We met at Jessops, but I'd been lusting after him online while you were sleeping for a long, long time. Shhhh, the times and dates don't matter.
I just couldn't betray you in Jessops so we went across the road to London Camera Exchange and did the nasty there. 400D, I swear to you I never laid any cash down at either store.
I want you to know that it's always been you and if it's okay, I'd like him to move in with us next week. Even if you say no, I already told him that you were okay with it.
You're my first love and you will always be my favourite, I just think we need to stop because I'm scared you'll die and it's taking it's toll on you. When I turn you on you tell me you've set your mind to P mode even though externally you tell me you're in Manual mode, you never used to do that, baby.
Please know that I am doing this for both our benefits, but mainly yours, I can't have you die on me, not now. We'll still use regularly together but not as much. I'm sorry, don't hate me.
Posted by Claire at 12:56:00 pm