An orgasm for my ears.

Never listened to a Buckley track, I always shy away from dead, overhyped artists.

All I do when I'm not working is have MTV Classic on in the background while I make art. They play Grace and Last Goodbye, I think they have that classic nineties sound to them that I love so much... So I listened to his one and only studio album.

His songs are an orgasm for my ears.

Holy fuck the man is a musical genius who deserved every bit of recognition before and after his death.

Well, this is our last embrace,
Must I dream and always see your face?
Why can't we overcome this wall?
Baby, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all.



If there's one thing I've noticed about North Tawton over living anywhere else, it's the high amount of male chauvinism that's in the town.

I've never known anything like it.

I don't want to bitch about my new friends so I won't. But I am shocked at how the men speak to women in my town. It is making me feel very claustrophobic and uncomfortable. No wonder there are endless jokes about my weight and how I look like Shrek's wife. I've never been more aware that women are as unequal as they were thirty years ago than I am now.

I am glad I arrived in North Tawton already married, I couldn't possibly ever put up with settling down with a man who wants a replacement mother.

Only once have I ever been told "shut up, the men are talking now" and that has been in the past 6 weeks. I feel really bad writing this blog post, I do like the people here, I really do.

Maybe it's how rural life is?

I find myself missing Manchester a lot more than I dare let on.


I have decided what I'm going to do with my life

The barmaid's job gets easier as the weeks go by. I was left to man the bar on my own on Sunday it was a piece of cake.

The bosses were really impressed and they've offered me more hours! Yay! They wanted me to work last Friday but they didn't have any contact details for me. Damn.

I think it's about time I bought a mobile phone.

The cash flow at the moment is a bit of a mess. We get supplements because we earn less now we're off the dole, but currently, Our glorious government has decided to stop all supplements until Phil proves his self employment wages (which he has, apparently receipts "aren't enough").

I have been looking for another part time job but no-one is taking on in North Tawton and it is extremely difficult to go anywhere when you don't have a car.

We have to do all our shopping at the Spar and they charge me a QUID for one lemon! They're 31 pence in supermarkets. HOW RUDE!

We're trying to scrape enough cash to pay another six months in rent by August. Phil asked to lend 'a couple of hundred' to pay the bills that we are behind with.

I put my foot down and he's not happy.

Rent comes before British Gas. It's my world, not yours. Do you hear British Gas?

I have neglected to tell you, that I've actually been emailing Helen for about a month, but I haven't heard from, nor emailed her for about three weeks.

To be honest I only emailed her in reply to her latest of 'I'm sorry' emails. I told her everything I've told you guys about.

How much she's hurt me, how I don't think we can repair our friendship etc etc...

How much I hate that she lies.


...And the rest! If she'd have driven by my house she would CLEARLY have been able to see from the lack of curtains that we had moved

She said that she was really proud of me and that she wanted to visit me asap and that she hopes I can attend her sisters wedding next April, but I said that I'd like to take it slower as repairing this sunken ship would be hard and I can't be her best friend right now.

We emailed for about two weeks after that and then we stopped. Or rather, she stopped.

I'm not afraid to admit that she's not responded to my last email because I prefer not to have the ball on my side of the court.

We both attempted to put things right and carry on as we were before but it...Didn't feel right. I didn't feel like we knew each other anymore.

But at least I can say I tried.

It was Phil's birthday yesterday, he turned 27, I got him some beautiful Cigars and a Humidor and he loved it! I also made some gorgeous American style steak sandwiches with char grilled peppers and onions. The day was a success!

Finally, after about ten years, I have decided what I'm going to do with my life!

Next year sometime, when I've bought some new gear, I'm going to set up my own photography business!

It's so exciting, I've done work for people in the past and they've raved about my photos.
I have several professional friends and they've all said I am wasting my talents and they will help me set up once I buy the things I need to buy.

I've thought about going back to college to study the technicals of photography further but people say they aren't worth the paper they're written on. I then decided to follow their advice and teach myself further technicalities as well as teach myself Business studies while I wait as well as honing my skills.

I am going to scout out the best locations and I am going to offer relocation family portraits. They are the easiest.

I'll leave this entry now, I was sick last night for no reason and I feel a bit dodgy. I'll leave you with some samples of recent work (resized because my layout hates them)

You can see more on my deviantART web page