The most shocking surprise

Still haven't found a house. Urgh so we aren't going to be out of here by Jan 31st. More like February which annoys me but oh well.

Christmas was pretty decent Phil bought me some pearl earrings, funds towards a new lens and some karma shampoo to go with my matching perfume. We spent Christmas day high, watching Jason and the Argonaughts and The Clash of The Titans and eating the most delicious garlic turkey, all the left overs are stewing in a big tikka masala. Yum.

The most shocking surprise this Christmas so far was Helen turning up at my doorstep unannounced about an hour ago apologising in that non apologising way a teenage boy would do.

Helen's the girl I wrote about who I'd been friends with since early high school who sent me a nasty email a few months ago saying how bitter I was after a harmlesss joke about living at home ...I can't really be bothered to go into it much more than that. But, she hurt me a lot.

She asked how my Christmas was, which was awkward. Christmas it's self wasn't awkward It was her just standing there which made it awkward I wasn't expecting her and I thought she was trying to pretend, after god knows how many months, that nothing happened.

Her sister and her sisters boyfriend were in the car, they're engaged now *yay*. It just stunned me so much that she was standing there that I wasn't really...Paying attention

She said something like "after you've known each other for years it's just bad that they fall out....
There's just some people you get tired of knowing and it affects everything else....I was just stressed." Or something like that.

We talked a bit more like awkward teenage boys and she said she's now training to be a teacher, while I'm still jobless waiting around to move.

As of right now I don't really know how I feel about it. She really hurt me but at the same time, I feel... I feel it was hugely courageous of her to come and talk to me to my face because if I was her, I couldn't have turned up to someone's house like that. It doesn't sound like an apology but neither of us are good at apologising, we never have been. When we fought at school we wouldn't speak for a couple of weeks and we'd just walk home and take the piss out of each other and everything was fine.

Do I miss her? Yes I do. We're dickheads when we're together it's fun. But at the same time alarm bells are ringing. I want everything to go back to how it was but I really think I should be cautious?

When we fell out I was pretty much done with people until we moved. I've been hurt quite a bit over the past four years and I promised myself that no one would hurt me again. That part of me makes me want to tell her that's she's had her chance. But at the same time we've known each other such a long time. After showing up I'd feel really cruel.

I wonder why now. Why she hasn't bothered with me for months then shows up so soon after Christmas? Was she genuine? Is it just because she's feeling Christmassy? I wonder if her family have encouraged her. Her sister was in the car so they must have talked about it prior?

Anyway she's invited me up to hers in the next few days to kick American butt of CoD. She said she'd give me a call and arrange shit.
Give me your thoughts.
My head is fried.