An Experiment

I've decided to carry out an experiment. You see, I've noticed that my husband has NEVER initiated sex. It's always me who initiates it. Don't get me wrong, he is VERY good in bed 9/10 times he will make me orgasm.

Once in a while I want him to slap me on the ass, be a real man, cave man type. He's never dragged me to bed, we put the TV first. We only have sex at bed time.

We have had numerous talks about our sex life and while there aren't any complaints as such, I'd be more than happy if he just dragged me off to bed or did some other highly macho thing relating to sex.

Phil thinks I watch too many rom-coms and that no relationship is like it is in the movies where the guy knows what the woman wants sexually 100% of the time.

I honestly believe that Phil's Jehovah's Witness upbringing has had a massive effect on his sex life.

When we first met, we weren't allowed to be alone at his house and he wasn't allowed to stay over at mine and I think this also had has an effect on our sex life.

He's said in the past that he doesn't like initiating sex because he doesn't want to feel like he's bothering me. I wish he'd put his needs first over mine, and while it's very sweet of him, I want him to use and bother me sometimes. To be blunt he has never, not once in our 4 year relationship initiated sex.

So I've decided to conduct an experiment.

I am going to with hold sex until he initiates it. We have sex at least 4 times a week and it's been about a week since we last had sex.

I'm pretty desperate for it. He however, hasn't mentioned anything. I do put this down to the packing and caring for the sick puppy. This morning he was kissing my neck as we woke up, I thought he was going to initiate it then he got out of bed.






WTF???

Neighbours are talking.

I haven't been "seen" in the neighbourhood in about 3 months. Truth be told I can't stand the people who live in these parts. If I need to go out I'll escape through the back and walk up the bridal path and catch the bus that doesn't go down our street. Large, Blob's wife keeps rushing out to ask Phil where I am and he just says "Why, are you watching our every move?"

The neighbours are talking and I don't care, I'm DONE with them all. They're all unintelligient pond life. Today, Large has raided our bins, probably for evidence as to where I am. Don't know or care why, but if she shows her decrepid face on the day of the move I'm going to talk to her in her exact voice (I can do awesome impressions of her) then I'm going to attack her with a super soaker and tell her to get back inside.

I know we shouldn't attack old people with water guns, but she deserves it. Nosy, old fat, cow. She'll think twice about being a nosy neighbour in the future. She makes my blood boil, she had a go at us for displaying our bins in front of the flat and not in the back garden like the rest of the house conversions here.

Sod's Law.

Sod's law [sɒdz]

n Informal a humorous or facetious precept stating

that if something can go wrong or turn out inconveniently

it will Also called Murphy's Law.

A few weeks ago, to cut costs, I decided to cancel the pet insurance temporarily, my pets have never had any illnesses that warranted a visit to the vet so it made sense to cancel until I have more money coming in.

That is where sod's law played it's part. Only I don't find it humourous. Last week, I noticed spots of blood on the rug in the hall. Closer inspection led to discovering a small cut on Shadow's paw. I didn't think much of it but I thought I should keep an eye on it.

Because of space issues with the move, we have had to confine poor Shadow to the hall. Normally he sleeps in the lounge in a crate but we've had to pack it away to make room for boxes of things.

Last night, there were load of spots of blood on the rug again. A lot more than last week. We couldn't figure out where it was coming from on his body.

Earlier in the day, Phil and I were discussing how guilty we felt that he was confined to the hall so we brought him into the lounge, he struggled to lie down because there's no space. Anyway the cats, devious things that they are, tried to provoke him to get him into trouble so he had to leave the lounge.

Seeing as we're not going to be here much longer we've decided to lift the ban of no dogs in our bedroom and we set him up a bed in our room so we could stop him doing anymore harm to himself.

We woke up this morning and a patch on his bed is sodden with blood and his elbow was a bloody mess. Oh god he needs to see a vet and we can't afford it. We rang the vets and explained the situation and our finances and they refused to help unless we brought him in.

Alternatively they said we could get him treated cheaply at the local RSPCA branch but that's in Salford 25 miles away. Which would cost us even more in taxi fare than going to the standard vets in the first place.

"Maybe I should give Dave a ring, see what he says?" Phil said.

Dave is Shadow's breeder, he's really supportive and knows everything there is to know about Shepherds. We told him that we needed advice because we couldn't afford vet fees.

He said that it sounded like he'd had a reaction to fleas and ticks but we'd only flea'd and wormed him last week.
"Did you use a different brand of treatment?"
Nope.

We told him that we wondered if it was stress induced because of the move and we've practically ignored him, too busy trying to get the house in order.

Dave said that they can easily become affected if their routine and living arrangements become disrupted even more so if their owners are stressed.

So Dave said to make up a tea tree spray to ease his itching and to get back in touch if he gets worse or doesn't get better in the next few days. So, Phil's gone out to get tea tree, bandages and possibly a nice bone for him.

The good news is that he's his normal self, still has an appetite. I treated him to a breakfast of weetabix, chicken stock and kibble and he almost broke down the kitchen door he was that excited about his treat. So although I'm concerned I'm not too worried anymore. I'm going to indulge him with rice and weetabix with his kibble and he's going to sleep with us until he's a stress free puppy. Sod's law is this.

Dreams

I keep having really weird dreams. Often they're about me being a mother. The latest dream I had, I was a mother of newborn slightly premature looking twins one boy one girl they even had the names I'd give them in real life. I think that that particular dream had something to do with me researching newborn composite photos for something to try out in my photography. But I don't think about babies a lot. Maybe these dreams are related to a new beginning say the move? Do dreams mean anything? Or are they just your body's way of processing the day you've had?

I had another dream where I was giving princess Leia away at her wedding. I had to walk down the aisle first because her dress was far too wide and...


I wore a white tuxedo!

I put the white tuxedo down to the fact I watched the amazing Tom Hanks film "Big" the other day I have no idea why star wars was in it, I'm not huge on the films. Anyway we all then ran to this island called North Tawton and we had to find something. I got told to ignore Yoda because all he did in my dream was eat.
Then we were in this medieval disease ridden town where we had to steal a key from the grave keeper which I managed. But we found out the town was a werewolf town and it was the funeral of the queen werewolf. So we ran to the bridge to get out of there, I stopped, looked back and saw horses pull the coffin into a huge warren.

We reached the end of the bridge and we found ourselves in Manchester's Arndale shopping centre.


Where I was getting agitated with this girl because she wanted to shop when we had to run. Then my dream gets even weirder:

Turns out this is a game I'm playing on my old purple gameboy color and I'm sat in a slate quarry with an aunt, she's smoking away complaining. Then my dog comes running round the corner and bites me....

I'm transported into the gameboy and I'm a character in a Super Mario Bros. game. I don't really remember much except we were running from Bowser and I shout out "To the station wagon!!" all the good guys from super Mario got in this UGLY
white station wagon with silver glitter down the sides. Then we have to enter this vortex but there's too many characters trying to enter it, it wouldn't fit over my thighs and it rips ... Then I woke up.

I'm sure the move is playing havoc with my dreams, again I'm in Devon when the breeder we got Shadow from said that he wanted him back but found a more "suitable" dog for us. It was a vicious Rottweiler, and kids are running away from us.

We've been cleaning this week. We've removed the mould with mould and mildew cleaner (not to be used on walls but what the hell) we're also painting the bathroom to hide the DIY we attempted to do on it last year but never finished.

I've been applying for jobs in Devon, I applied for a door to door fundraiser job but they think I'm moving at the end of this month. So I'm gonna ring them tomorrow ask for them to hold the interview til next month.

To be honest thinking about it, I don't really want to work on commission and I'm in two minds whether to ring them at all. Apparently, I found out the reason why they are keeping an interview for me is because they are constantly firing people who don't make their targets!! I want security in a job but I also want to be able to come home on my dinner hour and see to the dog. The fundraiser stuff has really good hours, 3pm -9pm and that would be perfect and give me time to do my photography early in the day too. But another problem are the buses, the last bus to my town is 7.50pm! I hope they are as flexible as they say they are.

I would really like to work in the village, surprisingly there are quite a few places of employment in such a tiny village if I could get on at somewhere in the village I'd be made.

If not I'm going to dress up and spend a day in Exeter handing out CV's to companies and recruitment agencies. Note to self: do not hand in CV to office angels they are so unbelievably rude. Hopefully Lush has vacancies and I can get on there. It would be cool to make soaps and solid perfumes all day!

Honestly, I'm on a downer. I'm really worried that I won't be able to find work and we'll end up homeless in 6 months time.

While I'm looking for jobs I'm going to get fit. I need to lose 18lb then I'll be within the normal weight according to BMI indexes. So I'm gonna strap the dog up to his doggy backpack put water bottles in it and attempt to jog for 2 1 hour slots a day. The scenery should be enough to get and keep me motivated.

Memories from 76 St. David's Crescent

I've been toying the idea of doing a post of all the positive and negative memories we've had together while living at 76 St David's Crescent. As I handed in my 4 week notice this week there's no better time to start than now.

We moved in August 2006 we were so pleased that we had found a place in the countryside instead of an inner town shit hole. It's no secret that Wigan is, the arsehole of the North West. My husband detests the place and has never settled, I think it's rubbed off on me...

Positives
The first few weeks involved countless numbers of hot air balloon spotting.

We got the first of our three pets, Milkshake a ten week old all black kitten from the cat's protection league that August.

We got Mitzy that November.


All the times we got high.


Our Bonfire night where we torched a coffee table that we used as a BBQ surface. (Don't have access to them pics except the one below)

All the times I'd beg Phil to help me write my essays.

Our first Christmas together, it was also Phil's first ever Christmas and I was a little... Upset because he wouldn't eat turkey so I had to get a beef and a turkey joint. I'm incredible in the kitchen and I'm convinced he'd love my turkey. after 3 christmasses, he finally succumbed to my garlic turkey and he LOVED it.

The week we spent brushing my dreadlocks out -

and the day I got my second set of locks.



When I turned 21, I got a Wii and a Disney Princess cake because apparently, I'm a Spoiltprincess.




When we got married on September 8th 2007. Best day of my life.



When I gained 3stone thanks to takeout nightly then lost two.

All the times we laughed at each other


The day I was an audience member on the Germy Kyle Show

When I got my first tattoo


The UFO's we see monthly-ish which I will miss terribly and hope to shoot them before we leave click this link for more http://tokyobutterfly.deviantart.com/art/UFO-152687015




When we went to York for my 22nd birthday....


...Where I also recieved a camera:



When we got our beautiful dog Shadow




When I started as a hobbyist photographer when I was 22


When I graduated


Learning to cook for a fussy eater on a tiny budget.
Possibly one of my proudest achievements of my adult life, learning to cook on a budget. I've always been able to cook but never felt inclined to opting for takeout or restaurants. When Phil lost his job it was AWFUL! We tried living off Tesco ready meals (we wrongly assumed "fresh" produce would be dearer than meals), but the £1 meals tasted nasty.
Once we had to do a weekly shop at a freezer shop where all the dregs shop, I was put off when a pack of bacon I opened smelled like pickled onions and had a snot-green hue to the fat. So we opted to make things from scratch. I've learnt to cook so much from my own pasta sauces to an awesome veggie con carne. Fussy eaters love it, I may even do a few recipe posts one day.

Snow!

Negatives

The flat was an absolute tip when we moved in. They ripped everything out and attempted (I use that term lightly) to cover them up. Half the wall paper was ripped away, there was no flooring, just tiles to hide the foundations. The tiles were all smashed up, there was sillicone all over the walls like some guy had just jizzed all over the place.

We spent the first week freezing our asses off because we didn't know how to turn the heating on.

We spent the first 3 months sleeping on a single bed. It wasn't fun at all.

We have killed more household plants than I care to mention



Phil losing his job was really hard for us. We lived off my uni loan and since I graduated we've been living off savings. But it taught us a valuable lesson in money management and I don't think we'll ever be as frivolous with money again (This could also be a positive).

The great Flea infestation of 2007... or 08.
I don't know how we got them but overnight we were infested. Constantly getting bitten we looked like we had scabies! The vet gave us this spray for all the nooks and crannies of the house and the little buggers never came back.

Turning on the gas fire and thousands of flying ants came out! May have been the 1st summer we were there in '06.
Sea of black, oh god it was nasty.

Black mould on the walls.
Absolutely vile, keeps coming back, I am not going to be charged for the repairs.

Having the worst neighbours in the world (we were warned; we didn't listen.)
We had a crazy upstairs neighbour called Ken who would run up and down his flat screaming at the top of his voice all the time. We we're told he was dropped as a baby. He used to sing "AND THE BELLS ARE RINGIN' OWT!" to the Pogues.

He died a few months later and was replaced by the worst EVER neighbour who also had mental issues, she cut our tree down in our garden without asking. She will only date men will red sports cars and shags them 5 minutes after meeting them. Her current boyfriend just bought her an upgrade from her 1983 shit mobile.

The other neighbours "Blob n Large" Bob n Marge(aka clay face), a very ill, very overweight couple in their seventies who for two years constantly knocked on our door Everytelling us to fix this and fix that and "why won't you take pride in your garden" Large used to sit by the window waiting for me to come home with the dog and she'd run out as fast as she could "Cluuuuurrrreeee" (because that's how Wiganers say my name)

"Can yooooou pick up your mess? It smelllllllls" until I told her to fuck off one day. They haven't talked to us since RESULT! We were hoping they'd both die by now, we pray every time we see the ambulance outside her door.

We got our first dog A white German Shepherd, sadly a few months later he bit someone so we had to give him up. He's a security dog now.



We have a water supply similar to that of a third world country. It comes out white and tastes like shite. I have been drinking Evian for the whole time we've been here. I expect the water in Devon is of a significantly higher quality.
I can't think of anymore memories. I hope we have a better experience in Devon.

I changed my blog title from 'Relocation from Manchester to Devon' because the 'relocation' will soon be irrelevent and the blog will just be about our life in North Tawton.

These past few weeks have been a nightmare.

So, the reason for my unwillingness to update on the move was because I didn't want to jinx anything. Since my last rant over two weeks ago about how I was going to take over searching for houses because I felt Phil wasn't doing enough, things have progressed immensely.

Phil found thirty houses and most of them where like "German Shepherd? F*** no. Then we found this two bed terrace in a place called North Tawton. I have to be honest it looks a bit of a dump on the outside and I overlooked it at first but Phil decided to enquire.


Not exactly perfect. I'd have preferred to be off the road. But we're getting desperate. The estate agents said that the landlord was absolutely fine with us having 3 pets. The estate agent sent us pictures of the inside and it is soooo nice.

The lounge and master bedroom have fireplaces and it looks wonderfully cosy. There's also a rear garden.

These past couple of weeks have been a nightmare, Phil doesn't have a great credit score and we thought that would work against us but we don't have any CCJ's so we're alright.

We paid a deposit and we're moving in in six weeks.

North Tawton seems like a beautiful place, similar to Aspull but a hell of a lot smaller, it's in the middle of nowhere which means great dog walking treks. It's surrounded by fields upon fields.
Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath lived there and I'm so excited.

We've given ourselves six weeks, two weeks to sort out what we're taking and to hand in our 4 week notice.

I can't wait to be a North Tawton girl. Oh, I also have an interview lined up too to be a fundraiser.

The 'V' word

Way off topic, but I don't want to update any relocation stuff, I'm sure you can imagine what's happening though.

Valentine's day is fast approaching and what am I getting? Naff all. I hate Valentine's day, it's predictable, too competitive, overpriced and quite frankly makes me feel sick. Expectations from women are far too high, pressure on men is far too high. Phil and I don't celebrate it because we don't need a gimmicky day to show each other how much we love each other, we do that every single day without fail.

I always wonder how many perfect-for-each-other couples will split up because he didn't outdo her office mates blokes or that he didn't make the proposal as perfect as she'd hoped. Similarly I wonder how many people with esteem issues will feel worthless and unloved for no reason?

For me, when I was single the worst thing about valentine's day was starting new relationships in early February. Now forgive me, but I don't want to spend money on someone I've known for ten days. Even worse than that is when you're in a new relationship, you can't ignore the fact the the day is fast approaching, yet neither of you can bring it up because you don't want to seem desperate.
Needless to say February is the month were relationships can be made or broken. Certainly with me anyway, every relationship I've had that started in February has swiftly ended before the 14th.

URGH!

I've been revelling in a few dating blogs I read on here. Seeing as I'm married and can't date I love reading about the dating lives of other people and I love reading the myriad of advice from dating columns.

One little thing that niggles me about dating is how those who are looking for love find it incredibly difficult. Is finding the one not unlike finding a needle in a haystack? Are some people just more lucky in love than others? Or is love more easily going to happen when you are young?

Even the dating sites are now doing psychological tests to match you with potential soul mates thus 'making dating easier'. Is there any proof that soul mates exist? What's the best way to find them?

I think that soulmates exist, I think that everyone has a soulmate, but not every soulmate will live in the same geographical region. While I think that the internet is a great tool for finding love, I think dating sites are misleading and I don't like how they charge money to use their services. Dating should be free and fun. 'Desperate' people should not be taken advantage of.

I also don't think that psychological matching is anymore help than meeting someone in a bar because I think that everything is down to pure luck. Opposites attract, as do sames. I don't have much in common with my husband but it works.

I find the blind faith some internet daters have in these psychological match makers quite alarming. I often wonder how successful they are or whether they deliberately create mismatches to keep you giving them money?

Just because a man ticks every box doesn't mean he's the one and just because the internet says you will make an awful match, you could end up being perfect for each other.

I think the most important thing in dating is attractiveness. There is NO point dating someone if there is no attraction. Just don't even go there. If you are attracted to someone but have nothing in common why not give it a go?

Before I married I was certainly not looking for marriage. I admit that I did want to marry young so that I could reach my golden anniversary, but I didn't dwell on it. It just happened. I also had some basic requirements that my husband would have to meet though and these were:

Have long hair. I can't date a man with short, or worse, no hair.

Can deal with Spiders. I have an acute fear. I can't be with a man who is scared of them too

Dislike football. There's more to life frankly.

Be a musician. I love musicians, I'm such a musician sweetheart [Not to be confused with groupie/bandwhore].

Make me laugh. I can't stand boring people.

Be an absolute gentlemen. Feminism has made the gentle man an extremely rare breed.

Be a decent DIYer

Ok, so the point I was trying to make was that my husband only meets two or three of these standards and even though he only meets a few, he is still my perfect husband but he meets them all except he's scared of spiders. That ballsed up.

Anyhoo, the point I'm trying to make is just to enjoy yourself, If you have a date on Sunday, I hope it goes well if not, don't beat yourself up over it. If you're in a relationship don't expect too much from your other half, enjoy the day with them. Singles, don't have standards that no man could meet, don't be a drama queen or a princess either. Men don't like princesses.

Happy Valentine's everyone.