Just a little hello,

Wishing all my fellow bloggers a very Merry Christmas. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your blogs this past year. So here's to the new year and to all the great entries that keep me entertained!

And thank you to Kitty for the very nice uplifting words in my last post, I'm glad that your blisters didn't kill you on Mont Blanc!

Right, I'm off, this Advocaat and lemonade is making me mis-spell words heavily. I'm sexy when you're drunk! xx

My dreads are still on my head.

Maybe it's time

I had them eating out of the palm of my hand, they appeared to be really impressed with me. Yet I didn't get the job.

Maybe it's time to cut my dreadlocks off. Not that you could tell I have them the way I tie them up.

It's true I wasn't too fussed about getting it seeing as it was part time but failure makes me feel like a failure.

This kid looks like Taran Noah Smith

When it comes to job interviews, I usually tell on a need to know basis [need to knowers, Phil and the pub landlady]. But I figured I would announce it because I don't think I'm interested in the job.

So yeah, I have an interview this Tuesday for a local council, The job's basically an admin role but it's title is officer ooooOOOOooooh!

I've applying for a few weeks and I've been getting nowhere. I posess a scary amount of drive to be one of life's succeeders, and I panicked. I panicked because I could [again] see the rest of my life being one of life's losers, waiting for death because there's naff all else to do except sit on the sofa and eat.

So, before I could stop myself and thinking rationally about the whole 'gotta get work' thing, I started applying for everything [Except old person's appointed arse wiper, someone on my facebook quit their office job to wipe arses, why...?]

Full time work, part time work, everything, thinking I'll not get anywhere. Then I got an interview... And it's part time. I need to work, I hate not working. I think if I was offered the job, I should take it because I am bored not working.

We've had a few discussions about this job making us worse off because it's part time but if it's worrying him then maybe he should look harder.


Wat do? What happen? Why does say this?

Cabbage soup diet

I'm still on the cabbage soup diet, I know I know you're only supposed to stay on it for a week but you see, I bought this BEAUTIFUL dress a size smaller than I am and I really want to fit into it for Christmas, plus I really enjoy the diet!



So far I've lost 9lbs, I've been unable to get under a certain weight for a couple of years and I'm now under it yay! So after I've done this week I'm going to do a week on week off until Christmas. I really think that doing the diet has set the foundations to eat healthier and the drive to lose the extra weight I've been carrying for four years!!

So the goal is to fit into THE dress on Christmas day and I'm aiming to be about 129lbs by my 25th birthday in March and I really think I can do it. I don't want to be a lollypop, I look my best when I'm slim with curves. I haven't missed take out food or fizzy pop either!

So, to all my friends who told me I'd not lose any weight and pass gas and I'll gain it all back within two days: F*** you!

PS I've been blogging exactly a year!

Rat piss.

I got a job.

















I quit two days later.














Never again will I work in a warehouse.

















The underneath of my finger nails became a haven for dirt and rat piss.




















I'm now on day 2 the cabbage soup diet.













I'm really gassy but I lost 2lb in two days.

















FML

It's oh so fun in our house.

Today I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression. I laughed. The doctor didn't.

"It's very serious".

"I'm not known for being miserable".

So the Doc wanted to know why I was depressed and I told him that I'd recently seen that Street Dance 3D film and I was pretty distraught about never getting back the 98 mins I'd wasted watching it.

*silence....
He starts writing on prescription paper as I'm telling him what's REALLY going on, suspects he's not actually listening*.

"Okay, take these they'll start to come into effect in 4 weeks."

Whaa?? I don't want to wait four weeks, Nor do I trust to put anything in my body made by Glaxo-SmithKline or Bayer! So I asked him if there was any alternative medicine I could try or if there were any Yoga classes in the area.

"There's no Yoga classes available to you. You could try to take St Johns Wort, although contrary to what people of.."

"I'm not a hippy."

"You could try counselling."

"And tell some sandal wearing, patronising stranger who shows no qualms about her love for cats in the form of motivational posters about my life?!"

*raised eyebrow as he looks at my shoes*

"These, are not sandals. They have a heel and you can't see my toes."

To be honest I don't want to talk to a stranger about my life, it's not natural to disclose your inner most thoughts to strangers... Face to face, of course...

So I thanked him for his time and left.

I got home, set up my wii and did an hour of Wii Yoga, talked to my husband who was liberal with hugs then I put a pork joint in the oven, I needed a comforting roast dinner!

In other news my cats are having withdrawal symptoms.

After reading one too many articles about the dangers of feeding kibble to cats, I decided to switch them on a raw diet.

I find it slightly disturbing that my cats are crying out for high content grain, feathers, hooves and parts of deceased pets and cancerous cells shaped into cute fish shapes instead of the nutritious chicken breasts, bone meal and rice that I put out for them.

Mitzy cat threw up a little bit this morning, because she hasn't eaten in a day, it was just water. She just walks around in circles confused as to where her beloved shitty food is, when she's not wondering in circles that she's sat by her food bowl. At night she becomes a mini kitty psycho. running around at full speed like she's on crack.

Milkshake will eat the new food no problem. I think he enjoys it. He's no where near as fussy as Mitzy.

Apparently a cat can go two days without food no problem and they'll never starve themselves so I'm not too worried about Mitzy's protests. Although I did cave in this morning and sprinkle a little dry food over the breasts and she did eat some of it.

Clinically depressed Claire, withdrawn cats. It's oh so fun in our house at the moment.

I hope the Liver peas and gravy go down better tonight.

Velociraptors

I like it when my bosses husband is angry at me because he gets his sixteen year old son to pour pints. It's a bold statement to remind me that this is a family business and I am easily replaceable.

So far his cruel attempts to make me quit have been fruitless. I am immune to him and his little cronies sat at the bar pointing and laughing at me, I don't care.

I can tell he really doesn't want me working there, instead of resorting to games neanderthals like, he should just straight up sack me.

Instead of looking for a real job this week, I bought some Jurrassic Park Velociraptor models and made a hilarious storyboard of shots to take of them. I'm thinking of turning it into a new project 365... After the current one is completed of course.

In short, there is no hope for me to succeed in life.

25 years old!

Here I am, now a quarter of a century old. It feels a bit odd, I don't feel 25 and I don't look twenty five either.

With every year older I get, I always like to wonder what my life will be like in ten years time. Ten years ago I was certain that in ten years time I'd be living in New York making ends meet by creating art, surrounded by lots of musician friends with some sort of crazy hairstyle. I have the hairstyle and that's about it.

I didn't think for a second I'd be married and living in Devon, still not really knowing what I want to do with my life. I thought I'd be more established than I am.

I found myself taking a huge interest in politics in my late teens and as a result of bad decisions decided to do a degree in it. Towards the beginning of my final year I realised that it is not what I wanted to do. Thinking clearly, I should have done a photography degree, built up contacts and work as a photographer's assistant... In New York.

Strictly speaking the politics wasn't a bad idea as such, it's a good back up but do I really want to be spending 12 hours a day in a government office pushing pens? I've had a taste of that and it's awful.

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Sorry I haven't updated. I wrote that a few months ago before I actually turned 25 two weeks ago.

So the news is, I'm splitting up with Phil, I found e-mails on his phone of a sexual nature to a girl he had met on Omegle and proceeded to swap personal email addreses.

Let me make it clear that I wasn't snooping, I was trying to open the Angry Birds app on his phone and accidently opened his Gmail which shows the the first line of the email, which was explicit.

I'm not going into what was exactly said in the emails but of course Phil's given me every excuse he can think of
"I didn't know what I was doing",
"It was a joke",
"I wasn't thinking of actually doing to her, what I'd written in the e-mail",
"If I'd known you'd react like this, I'd never had sent them"
"I was only being explicit because that's what I thought I was supposed to do",

And so forth.

Although he has given me "reasons" as to why he did it, he maintains the belief that he hasn't done anything wrong and I am getting the wrong stick of what exactly "went down".

I am the one feeling ashamed by his actions and he is carrying on like nothing happened.

I don't know what else to say, except he has destroyed me.

Women should be on their backs giving birth.

Not much happening at the moment, we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary last week which was... Nice. Normally we stay in but this year we went out for lunch and it was such a ball ache. When you live so far out in the sticks every little trip has to be planned with precision so from now on we're going to stick with what we know and stay in.

I spent the last of my savings on a new 50D camera, 100mm macro lens and a new 42" TV and new tools to start up our own carpentry business last week. I feel guilty about spending so much! Let's be honest, the amount was sat being unused for a long time. I personally felt like I deserved it, most of my savings I've had since I was 18 coupled with my inheritence went into the move [I never been good at spending money just because]. I've had an incredibly difficult year so why not give myself some happiness? Here's a shot I took today, I have severe arachnophobia, I am so brave!



I'm going to be opening my own etsy shop selling my photography prints in the next week or two . I think it's about time my skills started paying. Right now I'm researching my market and reviewing my business model and seeing what sells and what doesn't on the site.

I still feel very mixed about this town. I dislike a lot of people, I really cannot deal with the staggering racist and chauvinistic views.
Men tell me "women should be on their backs giving birth". I've never known so many women haters in one place and don't even get me started on the racism! When people train their dogs to growl when the "N" word is spoken, there's something very wrong in that.

I think wherever we move one of us will be unhappy. Personally, and I've only recently realised, I'll never be happy unless I'm in a city. There's a photographic society in Exeter and I can't go because the last bus from Exeter to here is 6.45pm.


Oh, by the way, to the comments on my last blog entry, which I've only just seen, it was about my camera which I upgraded and how I was a bit sad because I didn't want to buy a new one but it was getting a bit frail . P mode is "program mode", I shoot solely in Manual mode, quite often when I turned it on it'd be "P mode! P mode!" and I'd be screaming"No! Manual!" I also thought you'd been able to comment on my blog for a while! Obviously not! :P

I bet you all thought I'm some sort of hard drug user! oh, the LOLZ.

An open letter

When we first started using together, I wasn't sure you were right for me. I thought that you were way out of my league and I was nervous with you but I soon learned how to handle using and you put me at ease.

We've endured some tough times together and we've also had some wonderful times together but lately, I feel that things have been going a little sour between us. I'm starting to feel a little let down and I'm worried that using daily is taking it's toll on you.

I feel like we're a bit like Ralph Macchio and Mr Myagi. You taught me everything you could about using and you're getting a little frail and it's heartbreaking, I love you. I am the one, that will fight for your honour and you know this.

All great loves come to an end some way or another, Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra to name but a few.

What I'm trying to say 400D, is that I've met someone else. It's certainly not nice that I have to tell you over the internet but I think you have to know. He's called 50D.

We met at Jessops, but I'd been lusting after him online while you were sleeping for a long, long time. Shhhh, the times and dates don't matter.

I just couldn't betray you in Jessops so we went across the road to London Camera Exchange and did the nasty there. 400D, I swear to you I never laid any cash down at either store.

I want you to know that it's always been you and if it's okay, I'd like him to move in with us next week. Even if you say no, I already told him that you were okay with it.

You're my first love and you will always be my favourite, I just think we need to stop because I'm scared you'll die and it's taking it's toll on you. When I turn you on you tell me you've set your mind to P mode even though externally you tell me you're in Manual mode, you never used to do that, baby.

Please know that I am doing this for both our benefits, but mainly yours, I can't have you die on me, not now. We'll still use regularly together but not as much. I'm sorry, don't hate me.

Who is this bum?

We're trying to get shit back on track by starting a business making handmade must haves with wood. Things are getting worse between us he is wearing rose tinted glasses. How can he think that we are better off than before?

What happened to him? When did he become so disinterested in working? He thinks I have it all wrong. All I care about is making money, seeing the world. According to him money shouldn't matter.

Are you kidding me? Who is this bum?

Phil promised me things would be so much better financially, but they're not. Phil and I are split right down the middle on what's best for us. I'd never ask him to move back to Wigan but I'm not sure living here is right for us

I miss my friends and I miss not feeling confined to one town. As nice as some of the people here are, I don't think I'm comfortable with people knowing my business so I'm never my true self, mostly because I don't want the bother and constant interrogations from people in which I end up telling them just to shut them up.

There's only so many repeated life stories I can handle, Not just when I'm behind the bar but also when I'm sat at the bar, and, the questions about my hair!!! Honestly, I've never seen any of them ask each other questions on their hair style.

People haven given me the nickname 'tree lady'. It's mildly amusing that they think I hug every tree I see. Or that they even think of me as a hippy. For one thing, I'd never touch Quinoa, Primarks always a winner too, I admire the exquisite embroidery and the talent of such young seamstresses. I'm joking!

Some crackhead tried and failed to steal a guitar tonight from the pub. I've also been thinking about calling it a day with this blog, I find I can't really write about what I want to as I now feel a bit restricted in what I can and can't say.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry

Lately, I've been really struggling to settle in to North Tawton. I realised the other day that the only reason we moved here is because it was the only house we could find in Devon that would let us bring Shadow.

Now he's not here, the niggles of doubt I had about the lack of public transport amongst other stuff have just exploded and becoming major issues for me.

I'm really down all the time and I get so upset so easily, I'm worried that it's going to affect me at work. I don't really want to talk to people just because I know they're going to upset me and you kinda need to be tough there. It's not like I'm helping my self either, I just seem to listen to a lot of depressing Morrissey shit.

I feel guilty about feeling this way, most people save up their entire lives to live the country life not to mention it's a lifelong dream for Phil to move back here. Maybe it's the grief and shock of witnessing my dog's death that has kicked everything off.

We finally got his ashes back yesterday it was quite sad, I felt awkward for my friend, who was visiting for a few days, seeing me upset. His ashes came back in a beautiful wooden urn with a little flower arrangement by an engraving of his name.

Like I said, my friend Chris came to visit for a few days we went to a Chinese restaurant which was really good, I've missed Chinese! It was nice to get out around Devon, except when we arrived at Plymouth it was a shithole. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry because we thought about moving to Plymouth until we were told we were better off staying in Wigan.

...And then there were four.

When I was a little girl, when most other little girls were playing "house", I was pretending I had some sort of animal best friend. For most of my childhood it was my beloved cockerspaniel toy called "Lady" after the other famous cockerspaniel of the same name.


While other little girls were planning their wedding days, I was dreaming of owning a dog who was just as devoted to me as I was to it.
Now, after watching countless "Lassie" episodes, my heart was set on a Shetland Sheepdog, I was in awe of her [Lassie was, infact always played by a male] loyality but as I got older, I realised the length of the coat wasn't something I was keen to keep on top of.

Then, after watching Flipper and Free Willy, I wanted either or, again, because of their devotion to their child friends, even to this day I don't know how I thought I could pull off having a whale in my bath! I was downright obsessed with finding that perfect animal companion. You can see in most of these pictures that my adoration for all things great and small was immense.


I have vague recollections of owning countless rabbits in my early years. I think the first ever pet I had was a huge French Lop earred Rabbit not unlike the picture below, his name escapes me but I remember being heartbroken when my dad found him dead in the valley below our house.

When I was four, we adopted a beautiful ginger tom cat, imaginatively named Amber. He was around four years old too and oh my lord, did I enjoy having a cat the same age as me. At the time I was hooked on The Rescuers and, as he resembled Rufus, I tried and failed to carry him like Penny did in the film:


He used to sleep in my bed but he would end up hogging it and I remember there being more than one time where I was up for hours figuring out how to move him off my bed without him scratching me.

I must say he was the most gentle cat but, one day I chauved him to no end and he scratched me so hard I had a fear of him until I was ten, when a few years earlier, my mother was backing out her car and RAN HIM OVER resulting in him having a dead back leg. Fast forward back to 1995 and he was having a lot of problems with his leg which ended with an amputation.

During his recovery he had to sleep in my room with me as my parents did not want him in their room and my sisters was too small. His recovery helped my fear of him scratching me again, but it wasn't until my teens that I appreciated him as a gentle creature. He died ten days before my twentieth birthday, I will always be grateful that my first "real" [and by real I meant lived in the house instead of a hutch in the garage] pet was with me throughout my childhood and my teenhood. It was a heartfelt rite of passage that he died on the cusp of my adult life as if to say:

"you're on your own kiddo, you don't need me anymore".


In 1993, although my parents swore it was 1996 [I read her papers and I remember her DOB as September 10th 1992] I thought my prayers had been answered. We were getting a dog! I was sooo excited. I remember begging for a Dobermann which to this day is a breed I would still like to own.
My parents were under the assumption that big dogs equated to mauled children so they played it safe and got a West Highland White Terrier pup, a bitch no less as females were supposed to be more maternal.
My dreams had come true, I would finally have a loyal companion. Oh how I was wrong. Poppy was a law unto herself. My parents had no real knowledge of training dogs and therefore she was not well trained at all. She had her occassional loving moments, but it was on her terms. She came back when SHE wanted to, and she ran rings around us. In 2000 she ran away not returning until 6am the next day. My mother, being the heartless cow she is, drove her straight to the pound and I never saw her again.

I still begged my parents for a Doberman but they downright refused "when you move out you can have whatever pet you want. So I did. First, I got the black kitten I had been craving for a while, then a few months later I got a beautiful tortoise shell who loves the bones off me and I her. But cats, they are very solitary and they sleep for 21 hours a day and, while I had two loving moggies, I still wanted that loyalty from a dog.

On the 4th November 2008, Shadow came into our lives aged 10 weeks old. We didn't hit it off too well at first for I stood on his tail while we were at the breeders. We sat up all night watching the US elections and I was mesmerised by him, I knew we would go on to have a very special bond, the kind I hoped for. And we did.

Although it was not for long, in Shadow, was my protector, friend and fellow conspirator against my husband, all in gest I may add, we were like Turner and Hooch but without the initial hatred, or the crime fighting. High fiving when our latest trick at annoying Phil pulled off.

I have always wanted five members in my family, if I were to have kids, I want two boys and a girl. I had three pets, two males and a female and the Burton household was complete

...And then we become four, and my whole world fell apart.

My family feels incomplete

It's nearly been 24 hours since Shadow left this world. We are both walking zombies.

I have never seen Phil cry and to see him break down every half an hour crying is unbearable. There is an atmosphere in this house that I do not like at all. The house feels cold and empty and I wonder if it will ever change into the house it was before yesterday's events. It still hasn't hit me properly that he has passed one thing for sure, is that my family feels incomplete without him.

Shadow is coming home in two weeks. I thought it would be sooner, we have never spent more than a few hours away from each other. These two weeks will be the longest of our lives as we feel we can have some closure when he returns. Thinking about bringing him home breaks my heart.

We've been sobbing so much these past 23 hours that, when we think we have no tears left, we either think we hear him or we smell him and the sobbing starts again. I did not expect there to be so much sorrow so soon after the move.

If there's one thing that I admire, it's the unity that Phil and I share as we lie in bed and weep for our friend as we play over the events of yesterday. He has been a tower of strength for me and I hope that he can say the same about me.

I just can't get it in to my head that Shadow was fine that morning and 9 hours later we were saying our goodbyes. We did our little routine where I say in a stupid voice "What are YOU doing?!" and he stuck his tongue out and wagged his tail, then went for a shit.

I feel guilty that we didn't see what the prognosis would have been like today, but he had been seizuring for a couple of hours from when we found him, to when he was put to sleep and no matter how much I wish for this, and I wish for that, there was nothing anyone could do for him.

We said our goodbyes and he sat up and for that moment seemed normal then his eyes rolled back and he started seizing again. It would have been cruel to keep him alive.

Watching a loved one go through a seizure is terrifying and I couldn't give him a proper goodbye as I was so scared watching him seize. I wanted to hold him and hug him and kiss him but I just crouched beside him and babbled on about how he was a good lad... Served us well.

I am extremely grateful that Phil thought nothing of being there for his friend in his time of need when I couldn't.

I will never feel safe at night knowing he is not there to "go protect the kingdom" as we often told him to do before we went to bed and he'd have a scan round the house, with such purpose, making sure everyone was safe and there were no burglars around.

We honestly believed he would see us well into our thirties, I had always looked forward to turning thirty with my beloved German Shepherd at my side, at least now, he can spend the rest of our days with us in some sort of physical form.

The light that burned twice as bright burned half as long

It is with great sadness that I have to report Shadow's death today due to a seizure that he couldn't come round from.

Shadow was our friend, our companion, protector of our kingdom, whose unconditional love for his family showed no boundaries during his short life and for that we will never forget him.

RIP Shadow, You Are The Light That Burned Twice As Bright But Burned half As Long.

Project 365

Today, I have reached the six month mark of my Project 365, Since January 1st I've been taking photo's everyday and I upload one to deviantART.

I never thought I would make it this far in. I once read that around 85% of people who start the project don't make it past the 27th day.

"Yep that'll be me!"

I have very little creativity or rather, the creativity I have is taking it's time to show its self. I'm definately seeing improvements in my creativity and how I work my camera. It's not always spot on but the good stuff, I'm really proud of

June 30th

June 25th

June 27th

An orgasm for my ears.

Never listened to a Buckley track, I always shy away from dead, overhyped artists.

All I do when I'm not working is have MTV Classic on in the background while I make art. They play Grace and Last Goodbye, I think they have that classic nineties sound to them that I love so much... So I listened to his one and only studio album.

His songs are an orgasm for my ears.

Holy fuck the man is a musical genius who deserved every bit of recognition before and after his death.

Well, this is our last embrace,
Must I dream and always see your face?
Why can't we overcome this wall?
Baby, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all.

Chauvinism

If there's one thing I've noticed about North Tawton over living anywhere else, it's the high amount of male chauvinism that's in the town.

I've never known anything like it.

I don't want to bitch about my new friends so I won't. But I am shocked at how the men speak to women in my town. It is making me feel very claustrophobic and uncomfortable. No wonder there are endless jokes about my weight and how I look like Shrek's wife. I've never been more aware that women are as unequal as they were thirty years ago than I am now.

I am glad I arrived in North Tawton already married, I couldn't possibly ever put up with settling down with a man who wants a replacement mother.

Only once have I ever been told "shut up, the men are talking now" and that has been in the past 6 weeks. I feel really bad writing this blog post, I do like the people here, I really do.

Maybe it's how rural life is?

I find myself missing Manchester a lot more than I dare let on.

I have decided what I'm going to do with my life

The barmaid's job gets easier as the weeks go by. I was left to man the bar on my own on Sunday it was a piece of cake.

The bosses were really impressed and they've offered me more hours! Yay! They wanted me to work last Friday but they didn't have any contact details for me. Damn.

I think it's about time I bought a mobile phone.

The cash flow at the moment is a bit of a mess. We get supplements because we earn less now we're off the dole, but currently, Our glorious government has decided to stop all supplements until Phil proves his self employment wages (which he has, apparently receipts "aren't enough").

I have been looking for another part time job but no-one is taking on in North Tawton and it is extremely difficult to go anywhere when you don't have a car.

We have to do all our shopping at the Spar and they charge me a QUID for one lemon! They're 31 pence in supermarkets. HOW RUDE!

We're trying to scrape enough cash to pay another six months in rent by August. Phil asked to lend 'a couple of hundred' to pay the bills that we are behind with.

I put my foot down and he's not happy.

Rent comes before British Gas. It's my world, not yours. Do you hear British Gas?

I have neglected to tell you, that I've actually been emailing Helen for about a month, but I haven't heard from, nor emailed her for about three weeks.

To be honest I only emailed her in reply to her latest of 'I'm sorry' emails. I told her everything I've told you guys about.

How much she's hurt me, how I don't think we can repair our friendship etc etc...

How much I hate that she lies.

"EVERY TIME I DRIVE PAST YOUR HOUSE I ALWAYS THINK THAT I SHOULD KNOCK ON"

...And the rest! If she'd have driven by my house she would CLEARLY have been able to see from the lack of curtains that we had moved

She said that she was really proud of me and that she wanted to visit me asap and that she hopes I can attend her sisters wedding next April, but I said that I'd like to take it slower as repairing this sunken ship would be hard and I can't be her best friend right now.

We emailed for about two weeks after that and then we stopped. Or rather, she stopped.

I'm not afraid to admit that she's not responded to my last email because I prefer not to have the ball on my side of the court.

We both attempted to put things right and carry on as we were before but it...Didn't feel right. I didn't feel like we knew each other anymore.

But at least I can say I tried.

It was Phil's birthday yesterday, he turned 27, I got him some beautiful Cigars and a Humidor and he loved it! I also made some gorgeous American style steak sandwiches with char grilled peppers and onions. The day was a success!


Finally, after about ten years, I have decided what I'm going to do with my life!

Next year sometime, when I've bought some new gear, I'm going to set up my own photography business!

It's so exciting, I've done work for people in the past and they've raved about my photos.
I have several professional friends and they've all said I am wasting my talents and they will help me set up once I buy the things I need to buy.

I've thought about going back to college to study the technicals of photography further but people say they aren't worth the paper they're written on. I then decided to follow their advice and teach myself further technicalities as well as teach myself Business studies while I wait as well as honing my skills.

I am going to scout out the best locations and I am going to offer relocation family portraits. They are the easiest.

I'll leave this entry now, I was sick last night for no reason and I feel a bit dodgy. I'll leave you with some samples of recent work (resized because my layout hates them)












You can see more on my deviantART web page

Lush Henna tutorial

Sorry I've neglected my blog, I've been too busy living in the pub.

It seems that whenever I want to write about something I leave it so long I forget what it was I wanted to write. I'll do a proper update tomorrow!

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The original intent of this entry is to provide a tutorial on how to henna dreadlocks. I have never used henna before and I couldn't find a clear tutorial for Lush henna hair dye's [you can follow this tutorial even if you don't have dreads it follows the same steps].

My hair was a horrid mess of bleach, brown and red dye and because I'd dyed it too much, too often it was suffering.

I haven't dyed my hair in a year and a half and I really didn't want to use chemicals ever again so I figured henna would be the best way to give myself a new colour.

I decided to use Caca Brun. Scroll right down if you don't want to read the next bit to the the tutorial. Results will vary from person to person and I will not be held accountable if you followed my tutorial and you had less than desired effects.
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Now before I start some people say that Lush's hennas should not be used on dreadlocks because of the high level of cocoa butter in them, which makes it a solid bar, as it is 'impossible' to wash out the tiny lumps of henna.

But I have had my dreads for 2 1/2 years [no wax] and I found it incredibly easy to wash out but then again, my locks are impenetrable.

So maybe if you have had your dreads for less than a year and you have money to burn, then maybe think about using the stuff at your local health market.

Lush sells their henna for £7.10 I didn't realise, until they came in the mail, just how big the blocks would be so I ordered two online.

Even at £14.20 this was still a saving of over £10 if I were to buy the required three boxes of chemical dyes [even boxes of henna at health food shops are around £8 each and I would still need 3 of them!]

I have fairly thick not-quite-waist length dreadlocks and 4 squares of one block was sufficient to cover my dreadlocks.

OK, rambling done here is my step by step on how to henna hair.

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You will need

to do a strand test, I didn't but then again, I am an idiot.

1-2 squares of lush henna for short dreadlocks [3 inches - jawline]

2-3 squares for medium dreadlocks [jawline- shoulder length]

3-4 squares for long dreadlocks [shoulder length and longer, I used 4 1/2]

5-6 squares for extremely long/thick dreadlocks
[think Bob Marley thick or bum length although if you DO have this type of length I would recommend you buy two blocks to be on the safe side.]

1 pan
1 whisk
paper towels to put your block onto while cutting
1 grater [not necessary and is hard work but makes the mixing job easier]
1 Bain-Marie [ I used a bigger pan for mine but you can use whatever you want.]
Old towels
Old clothes
CLEAN hair, mine was greasy therefore I think the dye did not take
Rubber gloves [if Lush didn't give you any]

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Obligatory before picture


Right, this what your block will look like you will want to either get it cut up in store or cut them yourself




Next up you will want to grate however many squares you need, this is not necessary and is very hard work [ideally get your husband to do this] but believe me, it will mix so much better and there will not be any bits when you put it on your hair



When you've grated you want to boil some water in the kettle. Now this bit is a bit tricky because I have no idea how much you should use as it really is trial and error.

Lush say to add enough water to be able to mix it so it is as thick as double cream, I used 400mls [some girl on a forum said she used a cup and I used a cup and a bit!], far too much water and had to add another square-and-a-bit to thicken it but that was more like whipped cream!

So add 100mls at a time to be safe. After you've done, you want to whisk it.








When you've mixed it to double cream, make your Bain-Marie and boil it on a high heat.



When you see bubbles starting to rise, turn the heat right down and put your henna in the Bain-Marie. If you leave it on a high heat, the excess henna around the pan burns. While it's heating in the Bain-Marie make sure to constantly mix it.



Now here is the part where you want to get your gloves on. As the Bain-Marie heats the henna you need to keep dipping your finger in to test that the henna does not get too hot for your head.

As soon it gets slightly too hot but not unbearably so, you want to take the henna out of the Bain-Marie



If it is too hot for your scalp leave it to cool but don't let it get cold.

Next you want to lay down old towels where you are doing the job and slap the henna on to your dreadlocks and scalp making sure that all your hair is completely covered in henna.



And then you wait...

Lush say to leave it on for four hours, but in mine and many other's opinions, this is not long enough.

I left this in my hair for 6 hours, I did want to leave it on for eight hours but excitement got the better of me. I did not cling film my hair up.

You want to rinse, rinse, RINSE until the water runs clear then lightly shampoo it.

I envisaged beautiful healthy brown hair. The result was slightly disappointing:



I mean, it looked healthy and got rid of my patchy bits but it wasn't as dark as I hoped it would be.

I think strongly the reason my hair didn't take was because it was greasy as hell, I did not have time to wash it.

It did give my hair a lovely shine though.

It's been a week now and there is virtually no sign that I dyed my hair... Apparently the more you use it the more it will develop.

So I dyed it again but just my roots, last night ,as I'd washed my hair the day before.

After doing loads of research during the week, I decided to add a teaspoon of coffee and half a lemon per square [I used the one and a half squares I had from the first block ].

I also cling filmed my hair and slept with it in my hair for 11 hours.

I also did not let it get so hot that it was steaming like I did last time, I just very gently warmed it through.



The results of this where much better and suited my skin tone far better.

I love the reddish tones so much, as soon as I get more lemons I'm going to do the rest of my hair as you can see that there is no more henna in my dreadlocks:





There is an awful lot of work to do when hennaing your hair, but if your hair is superbly damaged then it is worth it. Especially at the price it is. If you want red tones then wrap your hair in clingfilm. I find that it prevents the henna drying and stays moist, presumably moistness helps the colour develop. I am definitely a Lush Henna convert after the second try!

I'm sorry I'm not a size 6

I had a really bad night at work. First off one of the barmaids who wasn't even on her shift decided to take over, I over heard my boss saying "but she's fucking getting paid for it." his wife had a word with her and she stopped.

She'd asked her why she did it when I'm doing fine but I never found out what the barmaids answer was. It just reaffirms a comment that was made I'm pretty useless as a barmaid.

I've been working there for 3 weeks one night a week so in total I've worked 16 hours and I've never worked in a bar before so I'm not exactly a great barmaid but I think I do alright, as do my bosses but you know, it does suck when you hear comments that you're useless and you're trying the best you can.

I thought that would be it but noooo. This married couple came in with their horrendously annoying children. I was having a chat with the husband and his wife kept looking over giving me evils so naturally you're going to keep glancing over to see if they're giving you evils.

He looked really henpecked, kinda like he didn't want his wife to be there. I think he enjoyed chatting to me because it appeared to him that I was listening to him. I did feel sorry for him a bit.

Anyway they kept saying
"ooh it's 7 o clock and the kids should be in bed, ooh it's 8pm and the kids should be in bed"

right up until 11pm when they left. Numerous people told them to take them home and apparently she'd told the land lady the same story 4 times because she doesn't get out much.

Rewind a few hours and they were absolutely pissed and she kept digging into his pockets to get things out while he was trying to chat to me.

I think this is what married women in their thirties do to claim their men. Then he blew up at her and was shouting at her

"you're f***ing embarrassing me, you are REALLY. F***KING. Embarrassing me".

Then she stormed off and he was apologising to me.

He was absolutely smashed and kept rolling his eyes at me when his wife was talking to him. Then he comes back to me and started asking me what my problem was.

"I haven't got a problem."
"Why are you trying to cause problems for everyone then?"
"I'm not trying to cause problems for anyone I'm just doing my job."
"Then why are you trying to cause SHIT for everyone?"
"Dude chill out yeah I'm not causing shit for anyone."

So I went out for a cigarette and I passed him on the way out when he looks me right in the eye and sneers "You 'orrible cow."

I ignored him because he was smashed. And he follows me doesn't he, and we're on our own in the yard and I'm a bit scared.

"Sorry."
he says really pathertically.

"it's ok."
"I'm really sorry, just stressed." he slurs.
"it's ok. honestly it's fine."

"I want to go home with the kids but she won't let me."

I shrug sympathetically.

"Where are you from?"
"For the fifth time tonight, I've told you I'm from Wigan."

"Shithole isn't it? Sorry I shouldn't swear infront of women."
"...It's fine, I hate Wigan too."

"Sorry."

Then he shakes my hand and kisses me on the cheek. I begrudgingly kiss him back on his cheekand he goes. For that split second I desperately wished I was wearing lipstick. It'd serve him right for giving me shit but I can't be bothered with insecure thirty odd year old women when I have a fox of a husband at home. It served a lesson on marriage and I hope I never get like that and not to see my husband more than anything than a means of financial stability.

Then it gets worse.

We wind down and we have a lock in [which, ever since I started working there happens frequently]. So I'm pissed and I'm not really sure what happened but the cruel jokes about my weight started to set in.

They asked me questions like "do you get out of breath quick?" and "when you look down can you see your feet?" "How do you feel when you look in the mirror" and "when was the last time you looked in a full length mirror?"

Needless to say I returned home in floods of tears. Seriously thinking about handing in my notice because it's just nasty what they were saying. But I can't say anything because they'll prey on me more and I feel like a prat saying something to the landlord after I give off an air of nothing-offends-me-and-if-it-does-I'll-break-your-face.

Which is true I am like that but I feel really weak and pathetic. I'm sorry I'm not a size 6. But I am certainly not fat. I've been told I have a "cracking"set of tits by more than one patron so I don't get it. They want me to be a size 6 with double D's Only surgery will give you big tits and a small waist. I can't be thin and have big boobs.

Hello

Hello I'm back online in my new town. I couldn't be bothered to keep a diary to upload so I'll just do a summary.

Journey down to Devon went well no animals got sick hurrah. It took us about 7 hours though. The house is very nice, really old and has old wood flooring.

The locals are really nice and we've just spent the time without no internet drinking lager tops and Cider and Black. Yum! I also got a job at the pub so I get free drinks and get to smoke at the bar after hours.

Phil got the job as the new guitar teacher at the school so things are going very well for us, Shadow is all healed too.

Public transport is a nightmare. 1 bus an hour from each of the two bus stops in the town. It's really gay. But it's not bad.


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This will be my last

This will be my last blog post for some time. You see, our new ISP won't give us the Internet in our new place until we've been receiving their TV package for TWO WEEKS! God knows how long it'll be before we get reconnected 4 weeks I think Arrrgh.

Anyway leaving do was really good got loads of nice pictures of the fam (this one is my favourite of my husband, far right)

it was a shame some of them couldn't be there.

Not much to do now in the way of packing just got to scrape all the mould from the walls and repaint the bathroom.

I'm trying to avoid all contact with Helen, She rang Phil on Friday just before the party and demanded to speak to me. After all the times I'd told him to tell her I'd moved he bloody tells her I'm not in, she didn't believe him, called him a liar then said "well if she doesn't want to be friends, whatever" and hung up on him.

Then she rang back apologising saying her tempers down to friends fucking her off oh so you only want to be friends with me because no one else will? She told him to tell me she loves and misses me.

If she was that interested, she could have rang at Christmas and told me that she was too busy to see me. She had a contact number so why didn't she? She lives not a five minute drive from me so why didn't she visit for 15 minutes if she was that busy? I think she was way out of line being rude to Phil so I am not interested. She only misses me because her other friends probably realised what a self centred, arrogant twat she is.

I hope she doesn't come round before the move I really don't want her kicking off. Phil won't "fight my battles for me" arsehole. He's supposed to be on my side. I'll make him send her away and if he tries to make me talk to her on the phone, I'm just going to drop his phone down the toilet then neither of us will have to speak to her. Sure, Phil may be angry about his phone but it's under contract so he can get another one.

I suppose I should send her an email and put her out of her misery but why should I drop everything because she demands it? After all it took her 5 months to decide she wanted to be my friend again.

Well I'm sorry but if people fall out with me for nothing and send me spiteful, nasty emails about how they've wanted to fall out with me for a while then that's it. Final, I am done with that person. I have severe trust issues and once someone breaks that trust I'm afraid I just see no point carrying on with them.

I don't think she realise just how much she hurt me with that email you can't say nasty stuff to me, leave it 5 months and demand for me to be your friend. God I'm so angry with her.

I'm sorry she ruined it. I hope she learns from this that people will not bend over backwards to please her and that maybe she should start treating people with respect.

Anyway my rant and a half is over. I'm sad I won't be able to update this as my new life unfolds for the first few weeks, so I decided to write a diary and I'll do one huge blog update with the entries from that.

Goodbye Wigan, it hasn't been fun at all.

Showing my bitter side

Guess who I got an email off?

Helen.

If you don't know who Helen is she's my ex best friend who fell out with me by sending me a harsh harsh email. You can read about her here and here .

After she turned up on my doorstep apologising - well it wasn't an apology as such was it? She wanted to hang after Christmas. Never heard from her. Decided to fuck her off.

On a whim I decided to check my email. I don't really use it anymore because I don't like the address name and I just get spam.

Sent:	09 March 2010 22:04:59
To:

CLAIRE!!!

Sorry it's taken me soooooooooooooo long to get back to you since I saw you last at Christmas, things have been a bit hectic to say the least, I did try looking for you on FB but alas, no joy! I don't use it much any more tbh, it's boring! Think I may have grown out of it!

Anyway, hows you and when we gona catch up?

Love and hugs

She was the reason I got rid of facebook because I just get sick of the drama it involves.

I don't know what to do.

One thing is for sure, she treats me like a doormat. Even Phil's commented how she doesn't want anything to do with me unless she's bored. Which is true, she'll happily keep me sweet on Facebook though. She ALWAYS lets me down by cancelling on me in favour of other people.

The doormat inside me really wants to email her back and hang before I move. BUT, the rest of me either wants to do the typical brush-it-under-the-rug-and-hope-it-doesn't-surface-while-I'm-still-here

OR
Email her back, do what she did to me and tell her how much she hurt me and how I think she killed our friendship. If she wanted this friendship to work, she should have tried harder to repair it. The fact that she thinks she can swan in and out of my life, shows exactly that she only wants to know me when she's bored.

But then that's showing my bitter side isn't it? Do I want to come across like that? No, but she can't treat me like she does. I'm not going to be a doormat anymore and just because we've been friends for 12 years doesn't mean I owe her anything.

If I was in her shoes I'd make it damn clear I was sorry to a friend and I'd try and make it right. But her casualness (is that even a word?) over it all just doesn't make me want to be a mate to her anymore.

Deep down, I really do think our friendship is unrepairable, too little too late and with me moving I think we should leave it.

Even before I saw that email, I've asked Phil to deal with her if she ever were to come round before we move. I'll either see red or I'll just let her walk all over me so it's best if Phil tells her that I don't want to pick this friendship back up. He thinks I should arrange something with her a few weeks down the line and leave it but that's mean "well see how she likes it." He said.

It's really sad how it got to this. I really wished it hadn't to be honest but what's done is done. Sunrise, sunset. I'm moving on

Phil has a job in the pipe line

Things aren't too bad at the moment, still got some packing to do as well as cleaning. The move is in 11 days and I'm excited. Phil has a job in the pipe line as a guitar teacher at the local school he filled in the CRB check today and he's been using facebook to offer his construction expertise to the village he's had some good responses apparently it's going to be a bit hard at first. There's only 1000 people so the village is quite cliquish.

I'm thinking about offering free portrait/family portrait work to get friendly with the locals but I'll end up questioning my skills and wimp out. Pfftttt.

Shadow's getting better although, his back legs are a mess. We have a leaving do to attend on Friday so, I'm going to take my camera and get some great shots. Depending how they come out, will determine whether I offer my services or not.

I decided not to go for that fundraiser job, I just don't want to work on commission.

Ooh, Glee time! Will do my next blog on after the leaving do! Bye!

I don't want to leave my dog in this state

So I finally found out what's wrong with Shadow.

Because we can't afford a vet at the moment we got Phil's uncle to come and have a look at him. He's not a vet but he can give Cesar Millan a run for his money and he takes on and nurses wild animals back to health from the RSPCA.

He has something called hot spots, areas of skin that weep with pus, a bit smelly and they make it worse by licking the area. One can turn into seven overnight which it has done, caused by stress.

Phil's uncle said that dog packs do everything together and because Shadow's been on his own a lot he's worried himself to the point of self mutilation. He believes that Shadow knows we are moving and the "exclusion" he's felt from us leads him to believe that we're casting him out of the pack and leaving him behind, it's gotten worse as the packing has become complete. He is distressed and more depressed than a sucidal lemming.

Had we known we wouldn't have left him in the hall. We both feel terrible. Even more so because I cancelled the insurance.

So since my last post about him he's not gotten better but he's not got worse. He wears a lampshade collar at night to stop him licking. He doesn't wear it in the day because we can keep an eye on him we're really surprised that these three days he hasn't tried to lick his wounds at all while he's been free of the collar. Yay!

However Phil's uncle was more concerned about Shadow's emotional state and he almost didn't talk about his physical injuries. He's such a depressed pooch it's heartbreaking, we're taking him on more walks and paying him more attention.

I'm worried about leaving him alone when we have our leaving do a week on Friday. It gives us nearly two weeks to get him in a better state, I don't want to not go, but I don't want to leave my dog in this state on his own for a few hours.

I'm even more worried about the journey down there. I can't muzzle him and I can't leave the collar on so I'm gonna see if we can stop every 45 mins so I can check on him, I might have to sit in the back with him if he's bad. Arrrrgh this move is an absolute nightmare, self mutilating dogs, a friend who offered to take the pets down yet doesn't have a van yet (Phil is freaking the hell out over this).

I'm never moving again.

An Experiment

I've decided to carry out an experiment. You see, I've noticed that my husband has NEVER initiated sex. It's always me who initiates it. Don't get me wrong, he is VERY good in bed 9/10 times he will make me orgasm.

Once in a while I want him to slap me on the ass, be a real man, cave man type. He's never dragged me to bed, we put the TV first. We only have sex at bed time.

We have had numerous talks about our sex life and while there aren't any complaints as such, I'd be more than happy if he just dragged me off to bed or did some other highly macho thing relating to sex.

Phil thinks I watch too many rom-coms and that no relationship is like it is in the movies where the guy knows what the woman wants sexually 100% of the time.

I honestly believe that Phil's Jehovah's Witness upbringing has had a massive effect on his sex life.

When we first met, we weren't allowed to be alone at his house and he wasn't allowed to stay over at mine and I think this also had has an effect on our sex life.

He's said in the past that he doesn't like initiating sex because he doesn't want to feel like he's bothering me. I wish he'd put his needs first over mine, and while it's very sweet of him, I want him to use and bother me sometimes. To be blunt he has never, not once in our 4 year relationship initiated sex.

So I've decided to conduct an experiment.

I am going to with hold sex until he initiates it. We have sex at least 4 times a week and it's been about a week since we last had sex.

I'm pretty desperate for it. He however, hasn't mentioned anything. I do put this down to the packing and caring for the sick puppy. This morning he was kissing my neck as we woke up, I thought he was going to initiate it then he got out of bed.






WTF???

Neighbours are talking.

I haven't been "seen" in the neighbourhood in about 3 months. Truth be told I can't stand the people who live in these parts. If I need to go out I'll escape through the back and walk up the bridal path and catch the bus that doesn't go down our street. Large, Blob's wife keeps rushing out to ask Phil where I am and he just says "Why, are you watching our every move?"

The neighbours are talking and I don't care, I'm DONE with them all. They're all unintelligient pond life. Today, Large has raided our bins, probably for evidence as to where I am. Don't know or care why, but if she shows her decrepid face on the day of the move I'm going to talk to her in her exact voice (I can do awesome impressions of her) then I'm going to attack her with a super soaker and tell her to get back inside.

I know we shouldn't attack old people with water guns, but she deserves it. Nosy, old fat, cow. She'll think twice about being a nosy neighbour in the future. She makes my blood boil, she had a go at us for displaying our bins in front of the flat and not in the back garden like the rest of the house conversions here.

Sod's Law.

Sod's law [sɒdz]

n Informal a humorous or facetious precept stating

that if something can go wrong or turn out inconveniently

it will Also called Murphy's Law.

A few weeks ago, to cut costs, I decided to cancel the pet insurance temporarily, my pets have never had any illnesses that warranted a visit to the vet so it made sense to cancel until I have more money coming in.

That is where sod's law played it's part. Only I don't find it humourous. Last week, I noticed spots of blood on the rug in the hall. Closer inspection led to discovering a small cut on Shadow's paw. I didn't think much of it but I thought I should keep an eye on it.

Because of space issues with the move, we have had to confine poor Shadow to the hall. Normally he sleeps in the lounge in a crate but we've had to pack it away to make room for boxes of things.

Last night, there were load of spots of blood on the rug again. A lot more than last week. We couldn't figure out where it was coming from on his body.

Earlier in the day, Phil and I were discussing how guilty we felt that he was confined to the hall so we brought him into the lounge, he struggled to lie down because there's no space. Anyway the cats, devious things that they are, tried to provoke him to get him into trouble so he had to leave the lounge.

Seeing as we're not going to be here much longer we've decided to lift the ban of no dogs in our bedroom and we set him up a bed in our room so we could stop him doing anymore harm to himself.

We woke up this morning and a patch on his bed is sodden with blood and his elbow was a bloody mess. Oh god he needs to see a vet and we can't afford it. We rang the vets and explained the situation and our finances and they refused to help unless we brought him in.

Alternatively they said we could get him treated cheaply at the local RSPCA branch but that's in Salford 25 miles away. Which would cost us even more in taxi fare than going to the standard vets in the first place.

"Maybe I should give Dave a ring, see what he says?" Phil said.

Dave is Shadow's breeder, he's really supportive and knows everything there is to know about Shepherds. We told him that we needed advice because we couldn't afford vet fees.

He said that it sounded like he'd had a reaction to fleas and ticks but we'd only flea'd and wormed him last week.
"Did you use a different brand of treatment?"
Nope.

We told him that we wondered if it was stress induced because of the move and we've practically ignored him, too busy trying to get the house in order.

Dave said that they can easily become affected if their routine and living arrangements become disrupted even more so if their owners are stressed.

So Dave said to make up a tea tree spray to ease his itching and to get back in touch if he gets worse or doesn't get better in the next few days. So, Phil's gone out to get tea tree, bandages and possibly a nice bone for him.

The good news is that he's his normal self, still has an appetite. I treated him to a breakfast of weetabix, chicken stock and kibble and he almost broke down the kitchen door he was that excited about his treat. So although I'm concerned I'm not too worried anymore. I'm going to indulge him with rice and weetabix with his kibble and he's going to sleep with us until he's a stress free puppy. Sod's law is this.

Dreams

I keep having really weird dreams. Often they're about me being a mother. The latest dream I had, I was a mother of newborn slightly premature looking twins one boy one girl they even had the names I'd give them in real life. I think that that particular dream had something to do with me researching newborn composite photos for something to try out in my photography. But I don't think about babies a lot. Maybe these dreams are related to a new beginning say the move? Do dreams mean anything? Or are they just your body's way of processing the day you've had?

I had another dream where I was giving princess Leia away at her wedding. I had to walk down the aisle first because her dress was far too wide and...


I wore a white tuxedo!

I put the white tuxedo down to the fact I watched the amazing Tom Hanks film "Big" the other day I have no idea why star wars was in it, I'm not huge on the films. Anyway we all then ran to this island called North Tawton and we had to find something. I got told to ignore Yoda because all he did in my dream was eat.
Then we were in this medieval disease ridden town where we had to steal a key from the grave keeper which I managed. But we found out the town was a werewolf town and it was the funeral of the queen werewolf. So we ran to the bridge to get out of there, I stopped, looked back and saw horses pull the coffin into a huge warren.

We reached the end of the bridge and we found ourselves in Manchester's Arndale shopping centre.


Where I was getting agitated with this girl because she wanted to shop when we had to run. Then my dream gets even weirder:

Turns out this is a game I'm playing on my old purple gameboy color and I'm sat in a slate quarry with an aunt, she's smoking away complaining. Then my dog comes running round the corner and bites me....

I'm transported into the gameboy and I'm a character in a Super Mario Bros. game. I don't really remember much except we were running from Bowser and I shout out "To the station wagon!!" all the good guys from super Mario got in this UGLY
white station wagon with silver glitter down the sides. Then we have to enter this vortex but there's too many characters trying to enter it, it wouldn't fit over my thighs and it rips ... Then I woke up.

I'm sure the move is playing havoc with my dreams, again I'm in Devon when the breeder we got Shadow from said that he wanted him back but found a more "suitable" dog for us. It was a vicious Rottweiler, and kids are running away from us.

We've been cleaning this week. We've removed the mould with mould and mildew cleaner (not to be used on walls but what the hell) we're also painting the bathroom to hide the DIY we attempted to do on it last year but never finished.

I've been applying for jobs in Devon, I applied for a door to door fundraiser job but they think I'm moving at the end of this month. So I'm gonna ring them tomorrow ask for them to hold the interview til next month.

To be honest thinking about it, I don't really want to work on commission and I'm in two minds whether to ring them at all. Apparently, I found out the reason why they are keeping an interview for me is because they are constantly firing people who don't make their targets!! I want security in a job but I also want to be able to come home on my dinner hour and see to the dog. The fundraiser stuff has really good hours, 3pm -9pm and that would be perfect and give me time to do my photography early in the day too. But another problem are the buses, the last bus to my town is 7.50pm! I hope they are as flexible as they say they are.

I would really like to work in the village, surprisingly there are quite a few places of employment in such a tiny village if I could get on at somewhere in the village I'd be made.

If not I'm going to dress up and spend a day in Exeter handing out CV's to companies and recruitment agencies. Note to self: do not hand in CV to office angels they are so unbelievably rude. Hopefully Lush has vacancies and I can get on there. It would be cool to make soaps and solid perfumes all day!

Honestly, I'm on a downer. I'm really worried that I won't be able to find work and we'll end up homeless in 6 months time.

While I'm looking for jobs I'm going to get fit. I need to lose 18lb then I'll be within the normal weight according to BMI indexes. So I'm gonna strap the dog up to his doggy backpack put water bottles in it and attempt to jog for 2 1 hour slots a day. The scenery should be enough to get and keep me motivated.

Memories from 76 St. David's Crescent

I've been toying the idea of doing a post of all the positive and negative memories we've had together while living at 76 St David's Crescent. As I handed in my 4 week notice this week there's no better time to start than now.

We moved in August 2006 we were so pleased that we had found a place in the countryside instead of an inner town shit hole. It's no secret that Wigan is, the arsehole of the North West. My husband detests the place and has never settled, I think it's rubbed off on me...

Positives
The first few weeks involved countless numbers of hot air balloon spotting.

We got the first of our three pets, Milkshake a ten week old all black kitten from the cat's protection league that August.

We got Mitzy that November.


All the times we got high.


Our Bonfire night where we torched a coffee table that we used as a BBQ surface. (Don't have access to them pics except the one below)

All the times I'd beg Phil to help me write my essays.

Our first Christmas together, it was also Phil's first ever Christmas and I was a little... Upset because he wouldn't eat turkey so I had to get a beef and a turkey joint. I'm incredible in the kitchen and I'm convinced he'd love my turkey. after 3 christmasses, he finally succumbed to my garlic turkey and he LOVED it.

The week we spent brushing my dreadlocks out -

and the day I got my second set of locks.



When I turned 21, I got a Wii and a Disney Princess cake because apparently, I'm a Spoiltprincess.




When we got married on September 8th 2007. Best day of my life.



When I gained 3stone thanks to takeout nightly then lost two.

All the times we laughed at each other


The day I was an audience member on the Germy Kyle Show

When I got my first tattoo


The UFO's we see monthly-ish which I will miss terribly and hope to shoot them before we leave click this link for more http://tokyobutterfly.deviantart.com/art/UFO-152687015




When we went to York for my 22nd birthday....


...Where I also recieved a camera:



When we got our beautiful dog Shadow




When I started as a hobbyist photographer when I was 22


When I graduated


Learning to cook for a fussy eater on a tiny budget.
Possibly one of my proudest achievements of my adult life, learning to cook on a budget. I've always been able to cook but never felt inclined to opting for takeout or restaurants. When Phil lost his job it was AWFUL! We tried living off Tesco ready meals (we wrongly assumed "fresh" produce would be dearer than meals), but the £1 meals tasted nasty.
Once we had to do a weekly shop at a freezer shop where all the dregs shop, I was put off when a pack of bacon I opened smelled like pickled onions and had a snot-green hue to the fat. So we opted to make things from scratch. I've learnt to cook so much from my own pasta sauces to an awesome veggie con carne. Fussy eaters love it, I may even do a few recipe posts one day.

Snow!

Negatives

The flat was an absolute tip when we moved in. They ripped everything out and attempted (I use that term lightly) to cover them up. Half the wall paper was ripped away, there was no flooring, just tiles to hide the foundations. The tiles were all smashed up, there was sillicone all over the walls like some guy had just jizzed all over the place.

We spent the first week freezing our asses off because we didn't know how to turn the heating on.

We spent the first 3 months sleeping on a single bed. It wasn't fun at all.

We have killed more household plants than I care to mention



Phil losing his job was really hard for us. We lived off my uni loan and since I graduated we've been living off savings. But it taught us a valuable lesson in money management and I don't think we'll ever be as frivolous with money again (This could also be a positive).

The great Flea infestation of 2007... or 08.
I don't know how we got them but overnight we were infested. Constantly getting bitten we looked like we had scabies! The vet gave us this spray for all the nooks and crannies of the house and the little buggers never came back.

Turning on the gas fire and thousands of flying ants came out! May have been the 1st summer we were there in '06.
Sea of black, oh god it was nasty.

Black mould on the walls.
Absolutely vile, keeps coming back, I am not going to be charged for the repairs.

Having the worst neighbours in the world (we were warned; we didn't listen.)
We had a crazy upstairs neighbour called Ken who would run up and down his flat screaming at the top of his voice all the time. We we're told he was dropped as a baby. He used to sing "AND THE BELLS ARE RINGIN' OWT!" to the Pogues.

He died a few months later and was replaced by the worst EVER neighbour who also had mental issues, she cut our tree down in our garden without asking. She will only date men will red sports cars and shags them 5 minutes after meeting them. Her current boyfriend just bought her an upgrade from her 1983 shit mobile.

The other neighbours "Blob n Large" Bob n Marge(aka clay face), a very ill, very overweight couple in their seventies who for two years constantly knocked on our door Everytelling us to fix this and fix that and "why won't you take pride in your garden" Large used to sit by the window waiting for me to come home with the dog and she'd run out as fast as she could "Cluuuuurrrreeee" (because that's how Wiganers say my name)

"Can yooooou pick up your mess? It smelllllllls" until I told her to fuck off one day. They haven't talked to us since RESULT! We were hoping they'd both die by now, we pray every time we see the ambulance outside her door.

We got our first dog A white German Shepherd, sadly a few months later he bit someone so we had to give him up. He's a security dog now.



We have a water supply similar to that of a third world country. It comes out white and tastes like shite. I have been drinking Evian for the whole time we've been here. I expect the water in Devon is of a significantly higher quality.
I can't think of anymore memories. I hope we have a better experience in Devon.